Sometimes when I look at a picture of all three of my boys it hits me so hard that they are all mine. Its such a surreal moment, taking it all. I created them and they are mine, and I am their mom. Part of me wants to believe that its just pretend that I'm still not a mom, but the other part knows that all those years, all those hard but very, very good earn years are mine, and they are the ones that call me mom.
Motherhood is so complex and so wonderful. It brings me to my knees, brings more tears than I could imagine. It breaks my heart, and leave me with loneliness and doubt. But above all true happiness outweighs the negative. Because motherhood brings me my greatest adventures, its brings me my biggest blessings, it gives me heartache and loneliness worth living for.
There is no other calling I would rather have than to be a mom. And I want my boys to know how much they are loved. How much I wanted them here, and the undeniable joy they have brought into my life. How they are my walking, real life dream.
And through all the physical draining days, (Like this picture of them none stop going! Ha) I want to remember how much I loved it.
The dancing to their own music, the music that is in them from birth. Every single one of them have a natural beat and it makes my heart soar.
The darling sweaters on the little boys are from VONBON When I showed Tayte his Stallion Shirt he would not stop smiling (he absolutely 'wubs horsies'. And has worn it almost everyday since. And Daxton kept saying how soft his scarf + hat is and I'll have you know he is very picky about the scarfs and hats he wears. ha! it must stem from the time I made him wear a wool scarf and it was so itchy, he cried the whole time it was on. whoops.
One of my favorite talks on motherhood is called Behold Thy Mother. It makes me cry every time I listen to it. And I'll end with one of my favorite quotes.
"To all mothers in every circumstance, including those who struggle—and all will—I say, “Be peaceful. Believe in God and yourself. You are doing better than you think you are. In fact, you are saviors on Mount Zion,13 and like the Master you follow, your love ‘never faileth."- Elder Holland