A flower for you.

We all go through experiences in life that change behavior and create habits. And I think to some degree most women struggle with loving their body and to be honest for as long as I can remember I have had that struggle of loving and accepting my body. Just writing those lines is hard to say but they're real, they're raw and I say it to be vulnerable to continue a healing i've been seeking. But i've been on a journey of healing and one of those things I've been seeking is to heal is those awful, damaging thoughts of self destruction. I'm sick of seeing those thoughts arise in my mind and I'm sick of seeing it in other women, women who are beautiful, strong and remarkable. So here I am, to tell you my story.

Each and every pregnancy before this one I would die at the scale as it slowly went up, I would die at the body I would see in the mirror and all those damaging thoughts would always continue post baby and beyond.
But for some reason, the beginning of this year something has been different for me. I've been earnestly seeking healing, love and deeper meaning in my life. And its affected me so much this pregnancy that as I've seen my body change and gain extra pounds here or there, I haven't been so ashamed. I've been proud, my body has known exactly what it needs to do to carry a baby, to carry my body. There have been moments, days where I can go back into that place of body shaming especially when multiple people tell me I look HUGE and that I've been eating too many desserts (PEOPLE! Don't ever say that to a pregnant woman, even in joking manner haha!) Good thing that I've been in a place where I'm loving myself where grace and self love are my biggest goal right now, so it didn't affect me nearly as much as it would in the past.  I know that self love is essential to progressing forward to becoming a better person and aligning myself with my spirit.

I know my body is SO much different than that of my girlfriends, my sisters, and so many other women.. but I know I'm healthy and I am okay with and even love this body thats looks so much different than others. There are seasons in life, and I've had a long season of body shaming, but I'm done putting energy and thought into any of that junk. I love to workout, I love to challenge myself to eat healthy and those are the things I want to put my energy to. This life and even this pregnancy is way to short to allow those thoughts to govern my thinking or even my subconscious thinking. I'm not perfect at it, but challenging myself to be open, to give myself grace, and if I have a down day there is always tomorrow.  If I could, I would give a flower, a bouquet to everyone of us pushing through the weeds to see the sunshine- which can be all of us..  Lets keep loving and being kind, especially to ourselves. xo