Wednesday, May 17, 2017

A flower for you.

Shelby and Brandon We all go through experiences in life that change behavior and create habits. And I think to some degree most women struggle with loving their body and to be honest for as long as I can remember I have had that struggle of loving and accepting my body. Just writing those lines is hard to say but they're real, they're raw and I say it to be vulnerable to continue a healing i've been seeking. But i've been on a journey of healing and one of those things I've been seeking is to heal is those awful, damaging thoughts of self destruction. I'm sick of seeing those thoughts arise in my mind and I'm sick of seeing it in other women, women who are beautiful, strong and remarkable. So here I am, to tell you my story.
Shelby and Brandon
Each and every pregnancy before this one I would die at the scale as it slowly went up, I would die at the body I would see in the mirror and all those damaging thoughts would always continue post baby and beyond.
But for some reason, the beginning of this year something has been different for me. I've been earnestly seeking healing, love and deeper meaning in my life. And its affected me so much this pregnancy that as I've seen my body change and gain extra pounds here or there, I haven't been so ashamed. I've been proud, my body has known exactly what it needs to do to carry a baby, to carry my body. There have been moments, days where I can go back into that place of body shaming especially when multiple people tell me I look HUGE and that I've been eating too many desserts (PEOPLE! Don't ever say that to a pregnant woman, even in joking manner haha!) Good thing that I've been in a place where I'm loving myself where grace and self love are my biggest goal right now, so it didn't affect me nearly as much as it would in the past.  I know that self love is essential to progressing forward to becoming a better person and aligning myself with my spirit.

I know my body is SO much different than that of my girlfriends, my sisters, and so many other women.. but I know I'm healthy and I am okay with and even love this body thats looks so much different than others. There are seasons in life, and I've had a long season of body shaming, but I'm done putting energy and thought into any of that junk. I love to workout, I love to challenge myself to eat healthy and those are the things I want to put my energy to. This life and even this pregnancy is way to short to allow those thoughts to govern my thinking or even my subconscious thinking. I'm not perfect at it, but challenging myself to be open, to give myself grace, and if I have a down day there is always tomorrow.  If I could, I would give a flower, a bouquet to everyone of us pushing through the weeds to see the sunshine- which can be all of us..  Lets keep loving and being kind, especially to ourselves. xo

7 comments:

Christine Anderson said...

Shelby your gift for expressing truths and feelings we all have is humbling and inspiring for so many women. Including a grandmother like me! Thank you for the flower! 🏵

CNUK said...

Shelby this is a beautiful post and brought a tear to my eye. For some reason, it doesn't matter what we each look like, so many of us spend way too much time putting ourselves down for not looking like we want to look or comparing ourselves to others. Your post resonated in so many ways and came at just the right time as I am on a similar healing path. It was very brave and courageous of you to share your feelings so thank you. Finally, I always think how beautiful and stylish you always look and your kind, loving soul always shines through xx

Linda Thompson said...

Thank you Shelby - you looked gorgeous at the wedding & I was thinking what charmed lives you Osmonds seem to lead. Mine has been a real struggle of late & I so appreciate this post . . . .

Linda Thompson said...

Beautiful flowers 😃

carolyne b said...

It is difficult when we compare ourselves to others that we see living what we think is a perfect life. Perfect children, perfect spouse, perfectly clean house and of course perfect body. However, I am sure if we were to talk to these dear sweet sisters they'd look at us and see the perfect we are....the perfect that Heavenly Father designed us as. Do not doubt that as you prepare for this birth of that tender sweet spirit that you are prefect the way you were intended to be. Rejoice in the process of what you have done and what you will do. You Shelby are a daughter of God....

Denise Harding said...

Your words were beautifully expressed! Thank you for sharing. This is something I hope to improve on during the child bearing years. I get pretty harsh on myself.

-Denise Harding

Dani Oldroyd said...

Beautifully said! Thanks for sharing. We all struggle with that. It's funny I was so worried about my body for so long and now I am not as small as I used to be. I look back at pictures and I just think how lucky I was. I wish I would have realized 5-10 years ago that I was beautiful no matter what size. ;) Dani